the throne of grace

so, it has been 3 whole months since my last post.  there have been so many times i thought about posting, but nothing seemed to merit your time.  the past few months have been a very quiet time between the Lord and I.  and i don’t claim to have the spiritual maturity to understand if this is due to my sin, or just the Lord being quiet, whatever.  i hear stuff like that thrown around a lot, that God has times when He is silent toward His people.  i don’t really get that.  and if I’m honest, i would admit that the missing piece to the equation has been me, and my devotion to the Lord.

 at church not too long ago, i heard someone say in praise and supplication to Christ, “Jesus, you are closer to our hearts than our own skin.”  initially, it sounds kinda creepy and a little too anatomical.  but when i let the words sink in, i was struck.  when you combine that statement with the images of God breathing life into Adam, and that are filled with the same Spirit upon conversion, the reality of Christ’s nearness to His people is, well, breathtaking.  and for me, when i think upon the promise in Hebrews 4, that i, that we, as believers, can approach the throne of Grace with confidence… the only conclusion i can draw in that God has no desire to be silent toward His children.  this time of distance and isolation has been my own doing, a product of my sin and unrepentance. 

we hear it all the time… there is no other way to achieve intimacy with God than to spend time with Him in prayer, in His Word, with His people.  and for some odd reason, after years of unbridled grace and mercy shown to me, i am still trying to call myself a Christian without really pressing into Christ.  He has brought me this far and has, it feels, brought me to a crossroads with Him.  do i really want to continue in a faith marked by spiritual ups and downs?  so far my walk has been defined by huge emotional trials, when, ironically, it’s easier to trust Him.  now, as it seems i have entered a fairly stable phase of my life… the question has arisen Will I trust Him still?  Will I devote myself to Him?  will i actually be the one to pursue my own righteousness or just expect the prayers of “Lord, change me.  Make me this kind of woman…” to suffice? 

 I feel as if I have missed so many opportunities to mature and deepen my faith, and I hate that.  I think about the hours wasted, that could have been spent knowing Him, learning about Him, from Him AT the throne of Grace, a spot procured for me by His unfathomable sacrifice, and i am heartsick.

 now, many of my loved ones get onto me about “being too hard on myself.”  and i can see the good and the bad in that.  the reason i want to be like that is so that i never think i’ve attained maturity… sanctification must be continuous.  now, the downside to this approach is that i can begin to get bogged down in my “performance” as a Christian, rather than resting in the grace of Jesus.  so, there must be, as usual, a healthy balance between the two camps.

 so, in light of all this introspection, i have come back to the throne of Grace, with confidence… i am confident of my salvation.  i am confident of God’s love toward me, His delight in me as one purchased by Christ’s death on the Cross.  i am confident that nothing can snatch me from the Father’s hand.  and i am confident that He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it until the day of His return.

 Jeremiah 9:23-24

Thus says the LORD, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches;

 but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the LORD.

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